Sunday, March 14, 2010

Starting to feel like spring

I've been feeling depressed again since around Christmas. Don't get me wrong, Christmas was great and I had a lovely time. But I ran out of my dried frog pills (antidepressant tablets) and I thought "I don't really need them anymore. I have been feeling fine". Big mistake. I got back on them about a month ago and I am starting to perk up. It's really grim to feel like you are in a black pit the whole time and nothing, absolutely nothing at all gives you the least little bit of joy at all.

This winter hasn't helped. It has been extraordinarily bleak and long. It's not just my perception; statistically this has been the hardest UK winter in my lifetime. We are only a week away from the spring equinox but there are scarcely any signs of spring at all. A few crocuses and snowdrops are starting to bloom, and I saw some lambs this morning whilst I was walking the dog. But no daffodils are flowering in my area yet and the trees are not in bud. The forsythia and ribes are not out. It feels like early February, not mid-March.

But I got loads of house and garden plants for Mothers' Day and Eleanor helped me re-plant all the hanging baskets with pansies, primroses and dwarf narcissi. I still have some plants left but I ran out of potting compost. I will get some more tomorrow on the way home from school and replant some of the containers. I also have some seeds I want to sow indoors.

It feels good to get my hands in dirt, in amongst roots and bulbs, and smell the green, vital, earthy scent. It is good to plant things - it always feels to me like a powerful act of faith. You can not plant things unless you have hope for the future. You have to expect that a frail stem with two small leaves is going to grow into a large and beautiful plant. Solipsists do not do gardening.


DocRichard said...

First sign of spring for me is when I begin to think I am late with my planting. You've just brought Spring on for me. Thanks a bundle.

just Gai said...

Sorry to hear that you've been down again but great that you are now on the way up again.

I haven't spotted many spring bulbs in flower yet either but our ruby chard is brightening up the beds and our pond is brimming with spawn. Nature is slowly coming back to life.

Kitty said...

The daffodil leaves are up, but not one flower. The hydrangeas are just beginning their first tentative leaves and I actually saw some pretty purple crocus. But, that's it around here, and I am miles and miles south of you!

I need to plant out my window boxes this week coming, so, thank you for reminding me!

I went off my two prescription antidepressants last Spring, it took nearly 4 months to come off, (I had been on them 5 years,) but I am so glad I did. I immediately dropped 2 stone, and, I now FEEL things and deal with things completely differently. It worked for me but I had plenty of support and a nod from my Doctor to go ahead and do it.

Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty

Anonymous said...

Welcome back :)

Anonymous said...

Hurrah! It's good, isn't it? Spring is just coming in around our way; the crocuses (croci?) are out and the daffodils are just beginning to take on a yellow tinge around where the flower is going to happen.

Yesterday and today I planted all the seeds that had started sprouting in their packets (my fault - let them get damp). Today I stuck the ancient ones in the ground to see if they'll do anything and while I was sowing some carrot seeds I found a couple of sycamore seedlings. I extracted them and put them into pots - they might have a chance of growing up into trees that way! I like spring :-)

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Depression is horrible. Do the longer days help you? I find that sunlight does a lot for me, as does Doing Stuff - though of course that's easier said than done.

ana said...

St Patrick's feast is the traditional time in Australia to sow sweet peas for our Spring. Thanks for the wake up call, Melanie. Must get the soil ready. Pottering about with seeds and green plans is such a tonic.

So glad to see you posting again. You have been in my thoughts and it's a true and wonderful sign of Spring to see Bean Sprouts illuminated in my RSS list.

Latin American Beauties said...

Spring is the best season for me.

Unknown said...

I know exactly how you feel and it seems to take until July to get such a winter out of your system (am just around the corner from you in Stockport) convinced we are part solar (some more than others) and just the lack of sunlight is enough to lower all energy levels aside from other causes of depression...anyway hope you stay up now and I just saw my first home grown Daff this week, yay!

Anonymous said...

I occasionally drop down the mg of my antidepressants, and know when I need to up them again (as I have recently - with docs approval of course)
I've been on them 3 years now and I'mjust am not ready to cut them out completely, as when I did try I sank really quickly.
I've accepted that this is a long haul for's the wieght gain I haven't coem to terms with!
Gardening does help - getting out and my hands in the soil is very theraputic
Wet and windy cold weather as today is not.
Love your blog - hugs ;0)